you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
