I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
