So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize