I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
