Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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