I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
