Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
