Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
