i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
