Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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