Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
