Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
