Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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