i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
