You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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