Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
