Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
