Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
