Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
