i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
