Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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