I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
