it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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