Nicole vs. Life
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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