bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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