Are we in a gay sports bar?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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