Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
