As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
