i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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