that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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