Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
