U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
