Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
