I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
