You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
