For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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