All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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