i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
