In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
