Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
