yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
