i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
