I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
