we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
