Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
