Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
