i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
