Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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