Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
