He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
