You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
