it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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